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Women are like football pitches

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  • Women are like football pitches

    Why women are like footbal pitches! (no offense intended)


    1. There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length and width, thus varying the quality of the play.
    2. Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the completely bald.
    3. Remember it is possible to score at both ends.
    4. Tackling from behind is not always an offence -check with ground owner.
    5. Be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of Premiership standard but in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground.
    6. Only some grounds offer five-a-side facilities.
    7. Don't ever make public your desires to play at Wembley, also never mention pitches previously visited.
    8. Extra time is dependent on subsequent pitch bookings.
    9. If the ground does not seem to have under-soil heating suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact coroner.
    10. Wet pitches allow for long sliding tackles.
    11. Always ask before leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel.Conversely, DO NOT expect to be allowed to come straight from the tunnel to the goal mouth and score. That can leave an awful taste in the mouth of the pitch owner and may prevent further use of the ground.
    12. Personal morals may be compromised by local derbies.
    13. It is illegal to play on small, unturfed pitches.
    14. From time-to-time the goal may be obstructed by a highly absorbent goalie.
    15. Russian grounds are frequently more grassy.
    16. French grounds are frequently very nice to look at, however there can sometimes be an awful smell from the terraces which don't get hosed down as often as they should.
    17. Very few grounds are found with executive boxes.
    18. Be wary of grounds with room for coaches.
    19. Always be on the look out for grounds that host ladies matches two evenings a week.
    20. Pitches with a waterlogged end, can be out of bounds for up to 5 days a month, although this can be longer if you piss the owner off by continually asking to play up the good end instead.
    21. Players will have to agree personal terms with the club, before being allowed to play on the turf.
    22. Use your hands in the cerain areas may be lead to a penalty.
    23. As the spot can be very indistinct on some pitches you may need to ask the pitch owner to help you locate it. It is a good idea to re-mark it in white each time you play.
    24. If there is a strong wind you need to be careful which end you choose.
    25. Use your subs wisely so that you have a hard man on for the climax of the game. You shouldn't bring him off too soon.
    26. It is best not to admit to having played on a plastic or rubber pitch
    There is a fine line between Insanity and Genius !
    I have erased that line.

  • #2
    No offense taken...lol...

    No hagas lo que no te guste que hagan a ti..


    LIFE IS TOO SHORT.. LOVE IS SEEING AN IMPERFECT PERSON, PERFECT!!

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    • #3
      Lol..
      To be is to do.
      -Socratus
      To do is to be.
      -Sartre
      Do be do be do.
      -Sinatra

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