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Dear President Bush & Mr. Howard,
Take all Australian women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan and Iraq and let us do what comes naturally. Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children; we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across Australia and never lost a pound.
We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan and Iraq with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events. . ..finding bin Laden or Sadamm in some cave will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan and Iraq in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Christmas dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hate women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot flashes over their godforsaken terrain.
Sincerely,
The Mature Women of Australia
Take all Australian women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan and Iraq and let us do what comes naturally. Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children; we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across Australia and never lost a pound.
We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan and Iraq with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events. . ..finding bin Laden or Sadamm in some cave will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan and Iraq in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Christmas dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hate women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot flashes over their godforsaken terrain.
Sincerely,
The Mature Women of Australia
We are trying to send it out everywhere lol A little laughter never goes astray
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